


A Life Unspoken

by Willow1871



Category: Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 22:47:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15083411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willow1871/pseuds/Willow1871
Summary: I don't own Attack on Titan.If you have not read the Manga for Levi intitled "No Regrets" You may be slightly confused as to who HER is. But all you really need to know is that this isn't the first time Levi has lost a squad. This happens after their attempt to capture the female titan the first time.





	A Life Unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Attack on Titan.  
> If you have not read the Manga for Levi intitled "No Regrets" You may be slightly confused as to who HER is. But all you really need to know is that this isn't the first time Levi has lost a squad. This happens after their attempt to capture the female titan the first time.

  
A Life Unspoken

Levi's P.O.V  
I sit silently still going over what Petra's father had told me as we reentered the city walls, while Hange looks at my leg.   
"Well I can tell you one thing, it sure isn't broken. It's fractured though and there are some torn ligaments, you'll have to take a leave of absence while it heals."  
Expression dull. "Can I walk?"  
She begins to wrap it tightly, "You'll be able to walk on it, you should favor the other when you do. But really you should just stay off it." She advises as she finishes.  
The door opens, "How's the leg?" Erwin asks.  
I stand up and instantly feel the shooting pain all the way up my leg. "Not broken."  
"Can you walk?" He inquires.  
"He really shouldn't..." Hange starts.  
"Yes." I interject.  
"Good, I'd like to talk to you in my office if you're finished here."  
I look back at Hange.  
"Yeah go, not like you'll listen to my instructions of staying off it anyway."  
I begin to pull my boot back on, my upper lip twitching in my body's reluctance, but the boot slides on.  
Erwin turns and begins to walk down the hall towards his office, I follow, limping slightly but not enough for anyone to tell. He enters his office, walking to the other side of his desk before sitting down. I enter and close the door behind me.  
"Please sit. I need you on the mend."  
I nod and take a seat in the chair across from him.  
"I'm sorry about your squad, I understand how hard it must be for you to see your team taken out by the female titan. I assure you we will catch her."  
I swallow hard. "They understood the risks."  
"I'm also sorry to hear that their bodies had to be abandoned in the field."  
"Their last act to save their comrades."  
"I have something for you." Erwin diverts his eyes to his desk, opening up a top drawer. His hand returns into view, stretching his arm out across the desk, nodding to his closed fist.   
I reach out placing my open palm under his hand and what he drops into my hand knocks the air out of my lungs. I close my fist around the item so hard I can almost feel every link in the chain.  
"Care to explain why that was found around Petra's neck and why it has your name engraved on it."  
Unable to speak, I use my other hand to fish out a similar chain from under my scarf. Yanking the chain free from my neck, I hold out the only explanation I can offer at the moment.  
Erwin reaches forward taking the chain with it's gold band on it, examining it and finding her name engraved on the inside.  
"How long?"  
"How long? How long what? How long have we had the rings? Or how long have we..." I close my eyes and take a deep breath before opening them and focusing on the man in front of me, "had we..." I change my statement to past tense. "Had we been sneaking around?"   
"How long had you two been..."

Flashback  
Unaware when Erwin ordered me to pick my team that I would make a choice that would entangle our lives. Her skills shown in training pushed her forward, earning her a spot with my squad. It was hard at first to allow myself to become close to all of them, I trusted them as my team and they trusted me, but I always kept them at a safe distance not allowing myself to get attached, so when the feelings of attachment reared their ugly heads I was taken by surprise. At first I thought of her actions as highly devoted, and there were rumors that she gave me special treatment because I was her captain and she wanted to climb rank. But there came a day that I realized, her actions were for a different reason, a reason I had not felt since Her death, Isabel's death.   
I was unsure of how to react, I know I felt something when our eyes met, or when her hand would graze mine accidentally, I starting finding reasons to spend more time in her presents, liking the feeling and trying to figure out what it was that I felt and then it hit me. She made me feel alive again.  
The first expedition outside the walls with my squad I kept a close eye on everyone. We encountered three titans each of which were dispatched as quickly as they appeared but for some it was their first encounter.   
It wasn't soon after when she came to me one evening, she stood in front of my desk and asked for a short leave of absence in order to go home and see her family, internally I began to panic, but what she saw was a man who looked as though he was unaffected by her request. I understood her reasoning and grant her wish for a four day leave, but as she smiles and thanks me, something inside me cracks. She begins to walk out of my office and I feel myself begin to break.  
I stand up from my desk and move purposefully around it, taking the few steps needed to stand by her side. "Petra."  
She turns to face me, gasping at our sudden closeness. "Captain?"   
"You need to know..." I begin.  
She smiles knowing my weakness, her hand is at my cheek as she leans forward, rocking slightly onto her toes, and kissing me lightly on the lips. She pulls away before I can return the gesture, a blush on her cheeks. "Actions speak louder then worlds Captain."  
"This is no longer a formal meeting."  
"Then why are you still talking Levi?" She smiles.  
I lean forward, pulling her close to my body with my hands at her lower back, and kissing her properly.   
I reach out and lock my door making sure no one would interrupt. Her fingers are at the ODM gear harness strapped across my chest and then they work at the buttons on my shirt. Thankfully she had already taken off her harness, just a few less things to get through.   
Before I knew it she is pushing my shirt off my shoulders. I pull back to look at her and she begins to undo the buttons on her shirt revealing the cotton wrap which both supported and protected her breasts from the harness. I step forward, pushing her shirt off her arms and begin to open mouth kiss her neck, licking her skin and feeling her shudder underneath my touch. Her fingers had moved to my hair, they lightly pull and scratch, my hands busy unwrapping her binding.  
Once free, my mouth moves down, kissing her collar bone and down to her chest. I only give her nipple a slight lick before continuing down her body, my goal was to get her boots off. My hands caress and roam every part of her and as my knees hit the floor I find them to be rubbing her legs through the light cotton trousers. My mouth moves from her stomach to her core as I press my firm tongue against her, her fingers tighten in my hair. I pull back to look up at her as I raise one of her legs to pull her boot off, then the other. I toss both her boots to the side and begin to stand up, her lips meeting mine as her hands start to work on the rest of the harness at my waist. As she's working I turn her and begin to guid her to my bed, walking her backwards until we reach our destination. She's done with the harness, it hangs loosely off my hips. She sits down on my bed and I reach down to pull off my own boots tossing them away. Her hands are a bit shaky as she begins to undo the buttons on my trousers.  
"Petra...?" I question.  
"It's nothing, just nervous." She smiles weakly.  
"I'm not going to hurt you."  
"I know." She says as she gets the last of the buttons undone and the harness pulled free.   
I lean down and press my lips to hers, she pushes my trousers off my hips and down my legs allowing me to step out of them as they pool on the floor. Her hands move to her own waist and begin to do the same to hers. I reach for her hands and take over pulling the fabric down her legs and off her feet. She lay completely naked on my bed, and with me standing there above her equally as exposed I wanted to erase any doubt in her head. I lift one leg up and begin to kiss up her leg slowly while my hand trailed up the other. My tongue licking her inner thigh, along the bruise from her harness. Her breath hitches in her throat, my hands grab her hips as I begin to kiss the heat between her legs. She tries to push herself firmer against my mouth but is restrained, only her hands against my head have power over me. Her breathing has stopped completely if only for a second, before my tongue licks over the bundle of nerves, causing her to call out.  
"Ahhh....please....more....Levi."  
I continue my work leaving no part of her unlicked, and before I thought she was close, her taste changes to something a bit sweeter as her hands relax and fall out of my hair, her breathing fast and ragged. I rest my cheek on her inner thigh and look up at her, her cheeks a flushed pink, her lips bright red, eyes closed. My hand lets go of her hip, fingers dancing over heated flesh. I trace down the middle of her core with my finger before turning my wrist to cup her in my palm, my middle and ring finger wet from her orgasm, I begin to slide the slippery digits into her. She quietly cries out, but once inside I move my fingers producing moans. I slowly move them in and out of her making sure she is as ready as she can be. I told her I wouldn't hurt her but in a way I had lied. I knew this was her first time, and this wasn't my first time devirginizing someone, the last time I had messed up and caused her more pain, but I had been young and inexperienced myself, no this time I would make sure.  
Her hand reaches down and stops my hand. I look up at her.  
"I'm ready." She says as if she had read my thoughts.   
I work my way up her body, slowly kissing every bruise I come across as she coos, taking in a deep breath as I rest my hips between her legs.  
I kiss her neck, and start to roll my hips, she moves angling her pelvis just right and I enter her. She arches her back, throwing her head back against the pillow, her fingers digging into my arm. I push quickly and feel her breath catch in her throat.   
"I'm sorry, I broke my promise."  
"What promise?" She breaths.  
"I had promised not to hurt you."  
"I'm alright." She says looking at me.  
I wipe away a tear from her cheek, she turns her face into my hand and kisses my palm. She leans forward and kisses me gently, rocking her hips against me. Her hands have moved down to my waist, fingers lightly caressing the skin. She pulls back from her attack of gentle lips and meets my eyes.  
"You should move. I'll be fine, the pain has subsided."  
I start to move, her eyes close and her lips open to a moan. Her hands tighten their hold on my waist and her feet leave the mattress as her hips relax and open to let me in fully. On my second thrust her hands began to move up my back feeling all my muscles work as I try to thrust and keep myself balanced without squishing her under my weight. They trail right up the nape of my neck and into my hair. She pulls me closer kissing my neck and licking the shell of my ear.  
"You can move faster then that."  
I kiss her neck leaving patches of wet saliva on her skin as I accelerate. Her breathing picks up and her hips begin to meet each of my thrusts. She moans as I let a collected breath out, spilling over her skin. One of her legs is curled up over my lower back as I begin to grind into her at the end of each thrust. I'm balanced on one elbow as the other arm is curled under her shoulder, hand clenched onto the bed frame, white knuckled, lending me assistance with each thrust as I use it to pull myself further into her.   
I can see in the candle light that her skin is glistening with sweat. I can feel the tell tale signs of her impending orgasm as her inner muscles start to tighten, and pulse. Her breathing changes, her hands slide back down to my hips. She starts pulling me into her forcefully and I oblige.  
"Levi...." She pants.  
I thrust once more and her hands hold my hips against her.  
"Ahhh....." She cries out.  
Her breath is shaky as she comes down from her high but before I think she's ready her hips push against mine. I start to move and a whimpered moan comes from between her lips. She pulls her knee up to my waist and I hook my arm around her leg allowing me to go deeper. She cries out and I pull back so I can see her face. She grabs my face and slams her lips against mine, invading my mouth with her tongue. I slow down, to occupied with what shes doing to my tongue with hers.   
She pulls away. "Don't stop...please don't stop."   
She arches her back once more as I thrust harder into her. Her body starts to quiver again, I pick up the pace wanting her to feel good once more. It's her turn to use the bed frame as a grounding point. She uses it's strength to push back into me as she comes. I watch as her eyes scrunch shut, mouth open in a pleasurable cry, her head is thrown back into the pillow. I feel as her body contracts around me, and then begins to convulse as I slowly continue. She's coming down, breathing still rapid. Her hands grab my face once more.  
"You've gotten to see me three times, it's my turn to watch."  
I lay my forehead against hers, she bites her lower lip. I continue to thrust into her slowly but rhythmically, hitting the end of her each time. With her body twitching around me I don't need much more. She lifts her chin and kisses me, open, sloppy kisses with both of us breathing hard. With my slow pace I can feel each and every inch of her. I change my thrust just a bit looking for the right spot and finding it. She gasps, moaning out her exhale. I continue to stroke over that spot with each well executed thrust. The need for release is beginning to grow rapidly in the pit of my stomach and I fight the urge to quicken my pace.   
Petra's hands are suddenly at my hips, her fingers digging into my flesh. I open my eyes not knowing when exactly I had closed them and find her eyes full of need, and desire. Almost a plea. Giving in, I speed up. Her eyes close and her hands are back up to my face, fingers holding firmly at the base of my neck, thumbs at my jaw.   
My muscles tense up, and I can't hold off any longer, I let out a low, guttural moan.   
Her eyes snap open to look at me. "So close." Is all she says.  
I thrust a bit harder and she cries out for the fourth time. I can't make it through another of her orgasms. I thrust through her tightening muscles until I can't any more, pushing in as deep as I can and releasing with a growl, teeth bared. She's so tight around me I can feel everything. My body twitching, filling her.   
Her fingers start to comb my sweat drenched hair from my temples. I lean down and touch my nose to hers. She continues the motion, kissing me in between breaths. Her body is trembling, my muscles are stiff. I start to push myself off her, pulling out of her at the same time. She whimpers, moving her body so I can lay down next to her. Once I'm down she slides over and I cradle her against my chest. It's not much longer until we are both asleep.  
The morning after I awake to her laying on my chest, her auburn hair lose. Her right palm is undoubtably feeling my heart beat, her breaths slow and even. I kiss the top of her head and she move slightly reminding me of how intimate the events of the night before had been. Her right leg lay across my groin, my morning erection pressed firmly against her inner thigh. Her core, hot against my bare hip. Her finger tips lightly curl as she rubs her cheek against my chest, humming in content. She lifts her head enough for me to kiss her forehead and continues on so she can press her lips against mine, it's a tentative kiss and she pulls back before it gets to heated. My hand slides on to her hip and she begins to move, pushing herself up so her leg could continue it's journey over my lap. She sits up straddling my hips with her arm across her chest as she looks down at me in the early morning light. I sit up, letting my hands play at her lower back. I kiss at her collarbone and she relaxes, her arm falling from her chest. Her hips tentatively rock against me, back arching as her head falls back, leaving me access to her full neck. My lips linger in open mouthed kisses along the taunt skin, her breath beginning to shake.  
Theres a knock on my door. I growl my irritation against her neck causing her to rock her hips with a bit more purpose. Her actions make me forget about the person behind the closed door, until the knock comes again.  
"I'm busy!" I shout.  
"Captain, Sir." The voice says and I know they're not going to go away until I open the door.  
I slide Petra off my lap and take one of the sheets to wrap around my waist. I walk to the door, looking back to the bed to find Petra laying down and hidden under the rest of the bedding.   
I open the door finding Gunther looking a bit scared. "Yes, what is it? I'd like to continue my sleep." I lie.  
"Sir, it's Petra she didn't come down for breakfast, and she's not in her room."  
"I gave Petra some leave time to go home and see her family."  
"Oh, so then I guess me interrupting your sleep was for nothing." He says weakly.  
"It's fine. Your concern for your fellow comrade is a good quality."  
"Thank you Sir." He salutes.  
"Now go." I say, slamming the door shut.  
I make my way back to my bed, as I approach Petra pulls back the bedding and sits up. My knee hits the mattress first, as Petra is pulling the sheet away from my waist, my right hand finding the back of her neck as her hands find the nape of mine. Our lips meet again as she lays back, pulling me to her. She deepens the kiss as her tongue enters my mouth, I can feel my body reacting to her like it had last night and again this morning and as I settle between her legs once more, her hips rock forward. Feeling myself against her hot core causes me to brake the kiss.   
"Is this what you have planed for me for the next four days? Since I'm visiting my family..." She smiles.  
"I wish, unfortunately I can't take the same leave as you."  
She gives me a pouty look.  
"However they think I am going back to sleep so we have a while before they come knocking again."  
Her finger nails rake over my scalp and I slowly roll my erection against her.   
"Levi..." She breaths.

End Flashback  
"Five months after she joined my squad."  
"And the rings?"

Flashback  
We had gotten back just in time to help fight the titans who had broken into the Trost district, I had sliced through quite a few when Petra stumbles across a dying solder.  
"Petra, what's his condition?"  
"Captain." The man chokes.  
Petra looks up at me, "The bleeding... won't stop." She has her hands pressing hard to his stomach.   
"Captain." The man groans.  
"What is it?" I ask.  
The solder reaches up. "W-was I...of use...to the human race? Or am I gonna die...useless?"  
I take his blood covered hand "You've done more then enough and you'll do more. The resolve you leave behind will give me strength. I swear to you...I will eradicate the titans!"  
"Captain...he's gone." Petra's voice is soft.   
"Did he hear me to the end?"  
"Yes... I'm sure he heard you. I mean he looks like he's sleeping peacefully."  
I look into her eyes and see sadness, and fear.  
"Good then."  
"Levi! We're retreating." Erwin announces.  
"Retreating!" I question. "We haven't even made it to the boarder! You mean my troops died in vain? I'm sure you have a good reason for this."  
"The titans are after the town! They've started moving northward as a group! It's just like five years ago. Something's happening in the town. They may have broken through the wall! Erwin explains.  
As we retreat I make sure she is at my side. We meet up with the rest of the survey corp and wait for further instructions. I watched as Petra begins to breakdown.   
I walk over to where she's standing and pull her aside to where only she would be able to hear me.  
"Stay strong."  
"That solder... He was in a cadet class above me."  
"Petra you can't do this, not now."  
She looks at me, I know she's fighting and probably wondering why I was being so cold, but I knew if everyone saw her cry that the respect they had for her would be gone.  
"We have all lost someone we have known, trust me, you don't want to do this, not here."  
She closes her eyes takes in a deep breath, calming her nerves and clearing her head, when she opens her eyes I can see she has her fighting face on.  
I nod. "Later."  
She nods back.  
"Levi, I need you and your squad to make your way to the Trost gate, kill any titans you come across. I need you to retrieve three cadets, this includes the titan shifter, and turn them over to the Military Police." Erwin instructs.  
My squad solutes him and we take off. I take down a few titans, looking over my shoulder, making sure she's truly in control. Sometimes I miss judge her skills, I watch as she takes one down on her own. I turn my attention back to the mission and see below me a large titan form steaming behind a boulder that has plugged the hole in the Trost gate, below that are the cadets I am there to retrieve.  
We successfully turn them over to the Military Police, and with that I wash my hands of the days events. My squad and I are dismissed to retire to our living quarters. We break away for showers before meeting up in the dinning hall for dinner. We all eat our dinner respectfully and as I begin to drink my tea the jug of liquor makes it's appearance, most of the survey corp used it to lubricate the images embedded in their brains to try and rid themselves of them before trying to sleep. Some took it a bit further then others, we had one of those, and after a few rounds Petra takes her leave from the table.  
"I'm going to bed." She admits.  
"Such a party pooper Petra."  
"I'd rather be a party pooper then end up sleeping in the stables with the horses." She requites.  
Everyone laughs at that as she walks away.  
I drink one more cup so it doesn't raise suspicion when I announce my retirement.  
"Ah Capitan, you too?"  
"Someones going to have to come up with a good excuse as to why your not functioning in the morning."  
"One of these times you're going to have to drink with us."  
"Thats never going to happen."  
I make my way up to my room and remove my boots. I find myself in my armchair reading a book when I hear a light knock on my door. I lay the book down on the arm and stand up knowing who it is. I open the door and usher her in as quickly as possible. I close the door, before turning back to her and taking her into my arms. Tears are already staining her face.  
"I don't know why I'm so up set, this isn't the fist time someone I have known has died at the hands of a titan."  
"Grieving effects us differently, even in individual cases."  
"I didn't even really know him."  
"It's ok." I say rubbing her back. "Do you want to stay here tonight?"  
"Are you sure? What if Erwin needs you?"  
"I'll come up with a reason why your here."  
I start to move her to my bed knowing both of us will sleep better with each others company.   
I lay down in the bed and lift the bedding up, letting her easily slip in. We lay there in compleat silence and wait for sleep.  
Theres a sudden knock on my door and I find Petra fast asleep next to me. I slowly get up and walk to the door, I open it a crack and find Erwin on the other side.  
"I need to discuss something with you."  
"Can it wait until I can get dressed, we can talk in your office?"  
"Were you able to actually get some sleep last night?"  
I nod.  
"Five minutes, I'll have tea ready."  
"Good."  
I close the door and make my way back to my bed. I kiss Petra's forehead and she hums.  
"You can stay a bit longer, but I have to go to a meeting with Erwin."  
"Thank you." She says sleepily.  
"You're welcome."  
I hated leaving her but I knew I couldn't tell Erwin to fuck off, so I found my way to his office. Opening the door to find him just sitting down with a couple of tea cups.  
"Levi, please come sit."  
"So what do you need me for?"  
"Theres a kid I want you to take charge of."  
"Why me? I'm not adopting any kid."  
"No, you remember the cadet that can transform?"  
"Yeah."  
"We need him, and you're the only one that I know of that could handle him if he is indeed a titan spy. Which I don't believe at all."  
"What ever it is you want me to do, I'll do it, you know that."  
"Good, so your on board."  
"Do I have a choice?"  
"No."  
"So what's the plan?"  
"Eren has a trial tomorrow to decide his fate..."  
I listen to Erwin and we fine tune our plan so it plays out perfectly with out any suspicion that it is in deed a plan, it takes all day and many pots of tea. By the time I'm dismissed it's late into the afternoon and my brain hurts. On my way back to my room I catch Petra's eyes and give her a small nod.   
After dinner I retire to my room and as planed the light knock arrives shortly after lights out. I open the door and pull Petra in, closing and locking the door behind her. Her lips meet mine in a needy fashion. She's in her night shirt, I had already lost everything but my trousers. Her fingers make quick work of the buttons as I start to rise the hem of her shirt. She's pushing me towards the bed, her lips brake away from mine as I lift the night shirt over her head.  
"I thought about you all day." She confesses.  
I kiss her again letting her know I had missed her.  
My trousers hit the floor just as the backs of my legs hit the bed. I turn her, laying her down onto my mattress and kissing her neck. Her hand is between my legs, I groan as she begins to stroke my length.   
"I need you tonight." She whispers in my ear.  
I move my hips forward and find her ready. She removes her hand, putting it against my lower back, pulling me in as I push into her. She cries out, tears pooling at the corners of her eyes.  
"Don't think of losing me, think of me right now." I whisper into her ear.  
"What if..."  
"Don't." I say knowing that after what had happened yesterday that it was fresh in her mind and that's not what she needed to think of. I hadn't even told her that we would be going on a mission to recover wall Maria.  
I push myself further into her and all thoughts of what if's were lost, she is back in the present. Her hands grip my shoulders. I lean down and kiss her, licking over her lips and gaining access. She pulls away as her body starts to quiver, her leg wraps over my calf and I feel her muscles tense.   
"Levi.." She breaths into my neck as I also let go, filling her.   
The evening air is cooler tonight then it has been as we lay in my bed a sheet the only thing covering our entangled limbs. Her breath has already begun to slow as she lay sleepily on my chest.  
"Petra?"  
"Humm."  
"Erwin needs me to be with him at Eren's trial, tomorrow, you could take the day off to visit your family."  
"I will."  
"I know you have been wanting to tell them about us, but until I can figure some things out can we keep this privet?"   
"Do you think you can continue to keep if from Erwin?"  
"I don't have a choice. I'm afraid that if our relationship is open that the government may make you change regiments, and I can't imagine not seeing you everyday."  
I can feel her smile against my chest. "You big softy."  
"Yeah don't let that get out either." I say sternly.  
She nods. "I wont tell." She says a bit saddened.   
I fall asleep to her drawing circles on my skin with her thumb.  
I hadn't gone looking for the rings, they just happen to end up in my pocket. I had walked past the jewelers shop on my way back from purchasing some tea and they caught my eye.   
I walk into the shop.  
"Good morning Sir how may I assist you?" The jeweler asks.  
"I am wanting to know the price of the gold bands." I jester towards the window.  
The jeweler takes in my appearance and the fact I am military, "Wouldn't you like something with a bit more flair?"  
"No, anything else would just get in the way."  
"I could engrave something for you on the gold bands, this way they are a bit more special." He inquires.  
I nod. "And I need two chains as well."  
I walk out of the shop with the two bands in my pocket one with her name and one with mine.   
I make my way to meet Erwin for the trial and just as planed we win.  
We return to our barracks with orders to relocate and packing was immediate, by the time I was done packing up my room I figured I would sneak down and offer my assistance in packing to Petra. Making sure no one sees me knock, as soon as the door is open I walk in, guiding Petra back and closing the door.   
"What are you doing?"  
"Coming to help you pack."   
"I don't need any, I've already finished, in fact I was just about to come up to your room."   
"In that case." I smile pulling her close. "I have something for you." I pull out the ring with my name on it already on it's chain. "I understand that you were upset knowing you couldn't tell your family about us, this ring is a promise that one day you will be able to wear it on your finger. Until then the chain will have to do." I fumble with the clasp getting it open on the third try and place the necklace around her neck making sure the clasp was fitted tightly.  
She leans in and kisses me.

End Flashback  
"Since we acquired Erin."  
"Is there any record of this."

Flashback  
We had spent two days cleaning the castle and had just sat down for tea when Hangi walks in and starts talking about her experiments. Not wanting to be stuck listening to all her nonsense again I get up and leave, I was done with my tea anyway and could think of better uses of my time. Petra as well as the rest of the team follow shortly behind me.   
Out in the hall I hear Petra make a comment "Squad leader Hangi can be so crazy sometimes."  
"Ral, follow me to my office." I say in a firm tone.  
"Someones in trouble" I hear Oluo say as Petra follows me to my office.  
I walk in to my new cleaned office and turn to watch Petra close the door behind her. As soon as the door is closed, I walk over to her, pick her up, and set her down on my desk, kissing her hard. Her hands are in my hair and her legs are wrapped around the backs of my thighs. We hadn't been able to be alone since we left the city and the way she was beginning to grind against me I could tell she was just as needy as I was. Her hand reaches down to undo my pants when there is a knock on the door. I growl as Petra untangles her limbs from around me, I walk over to the door, looking back to find Petra standing in front of my desk before opening it.   
"Eld, what the hell do you think your doing interrupting a disciplinary lecture?"  
"Sorry Captain me and the other guys were just concerned that you would take it all out on Petra when you should really take it out on all of us cause we all think the same thing."  
"Fine, when Erwin and the other cadets arrive, all of you will be running drills with them.  
"Yes Sir." Eld salutes.  
"Now get the fuck out of my office, and clean the rest of the damn castle, it should have been done hours ago!"  
A week later Hangi and I had worked with Eren all morning trying to get him to transform into a titan with no success. I had just taken my frustrations out on him saying, "If you can't turn into a titan the mission to rebuild wall Maria goes down the drain. Do something about it. Thats an order." When Petra sat down next to me at my table offering me a cup of tea.  
"Captain you shouldn't be so hard on him, I don't think the stress is helping him any."  
"He's not the only one who's stressed about this mission." I confess.  
Later that week Erwin had brought the new cadets and I focused on getting them field ready.  
I pushed everyone as hard as I could, I wanted to see how they handled stress, how they worked together as well as how well they worked with and for my squad. As promised I had put my squad to work as there punishment for the comment and thoughts about Hangi.  
Midday the wind picked up giving everyone a bit more of a challenge, I had split my squad up letting them work with a few cadets each, trying too ready them for titans beyond the walls. To say that they were failing was an understatement. There were a few who were pulling their own weight but I wanted them to work as a team, even my squad had more assists then solo take downs proving it more effective.  
As I watched each team run through their drill, the clouds turned dark and I knew it was coming. It put me on edge, pushing the cadets harder as my memories flashed back to the day I lost them. The weather seemed to taunt me as a low rumble made it's way across the sky over head. I would not lose all these young lives in the same manner.  
I had instructed my squad to make easy kills harder, pushing the cadets to think outside the range of the normally small window you had to take down a titan, they needed to learn that these things didn't always set them up for the easiest kill and if they ever encountered an abnormal they could handle themselves. This was relatively hard to do on a stationary target, but if they couldn't do it on a titan dummy that wasn't moving they would never be able to follow through on a living, breathing, moving target. I had watched Eld take his team though, failing for the tenth time.   
"Theres no way we can do this!" Sasha yells.   
"Shut up Sasha, your going to get us in trouble." Connie says.  
"Eld, bring your team over here, maybe if they watch some of the other teams they can learn from their failures. I instruct.  
Eld and the two young cadets, stand beside me as we watch Petra and her team Rainer and Jean, run through the drill.   
They fail, miserably, with Jean taking to long to embed his maneuvering gear hook into the dummies neck and missing the small opening he had for a killing cut.   
"You didn't cut deep enough and now you have a pissed off titan, your dead." I say, as they come to rest in front of us.  
"Yeah well this stunt your wanting us to master is impossible." Jean complains.  
"It's not impossible!" I yell. "I want everyone to get their titan snack asses over here!"  
I wait patently while everyone gathers around. "Listen I want you all too watch very carefully, I'm not the one who needs the practice so I'm only doing this once. Each of you are doing fine with assisting, it's the killings your failing at, a titan is not going to just show you it's neck and ask you to kill it. Petra, Eld please assist."  
We take to the trees, circling around and coming in to the dummies location just as every one else had a zillion times before, Petra and Eld make their move allowing me the small target. I release my gear hook and hit my target proving that it could be done. I throw myself forward and push my blades through the imitation nape, cutting through my mark for a clean kill. We land in front of the trainee group.  
"You will run through these drills until everyone of you has a successful kill, and I don't want to hear any bitching."  
As everyone moves off the rain makes it's presents known. Icy cold drops pricking any exposed flesh. I watch closely yelling out any improvements I want to see, making sure they all rotate, each of them getting a chance to practice the kill. Hours pass and slowly each and every one of them accomplishes a kill.  
The day was coming to a close with everyone dirty and drenched, no one's bleeding which meant that they could handle themselves well even under pressure, but before I called it a day I had one more task for them.  
"Cadets I want you to take the bathing tub up to my room and fill it with hot water, I refuse to get sick because you all took so long to master a simple stunt."  
Groans could be heard as they made their way back too the castle.   
"Excellent work today." I praise my squad. "You're all dismissed."  
I catch Petra's eye and nod her direction getting a half hidden smile.  
The rain at this point is starting to become a torrential down pour. It takes all my mental power to fight off the images that always accompany weather of this kind. I make my way into the stables, needing a minute to pull myself together before facing anyone. The only one who knew how the rain affected me was Erwin and thankfully he was gone, I didn't need him knocking on my door and checking on me not when I had her. That's right, I had asked Petra to come to my room with my little nod, our little way of communicating, being selfish and needing her for my own comfort. I walk out of the stables and into the castle watching as some of the cadets were taking hot water buckets up the stairs, and others were returning to the kitchen with empty ones. The thought makes me inwardly chuckle at the irony, remembering having to do the same for Erwin when I was new to his squad. I follow a worn out Krista into the kitchen going for a cup a tea, I find Armin and Sasha refilling two large pots of water on the stove.  
"The kettles hot Captain." Sasha says. As she hands me a cup with tea ball already in it.  
"Thank you."  
I pour the hot water over the tea infuser, placing the kettle back down I turn to find a new set of cadets manning the hot water. I drink my cup slowly and watch as one after another make their rounds. About the time I get done drinking my tea I walk out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my room.  
"Your bath is ready Captain." Eren salutes.  
"Very well, your all dismissed, make sure you shower and get something to eat before turning in, tomorrow we start again."  
I watch as they all leave my room before closing the door and taking off my jacket, hanging it on the back of a chair. I begin to take off my ODM gear when there is a light knock on the door. I walk over and open it, finding Petra standing on the other side.   
"Come in." I say.  
She steps in and I close the door behind her.  
"Did anyone see you come up?" I ask.  
"No, I made sure the cadets had gone down to the kitchen and everyone else has already retired to their rooms." She explains.  
I take a step forward kissing her lips gently. "When was the last time you took a hot bath?"  
"Months. I don't have cadets I can boss around, so cold showers it is for me, like the rest of the lower ranks." She smiles.  
"If you'd like I'll gladly share mine with you." I offer rubbing her nose with mine.  
"That sounds wonderful."  
I kiss her again. "Go ahead and get stripped down and get in, I'll be right behind you."  
She walks over to where the tub had been placed as I continue to undress myself.  
"I hope I didn't push you to hard today, but I can't show favoritism or someone might catch on." I say with my back turned towards her.  
"Not at all, it was kind fun, getting to do the drills knowing your life wasn't on the line."  
I pull off my boots and walk over to the tub. Petra had slipped in, water all the way up to her chin.  
"How is it?"  
I pull off my shirt and start to unbutton my pants. Her eyes watch my fingers work the round metal fasteners.  
She catches herself staring and looks back up to my eyes. "Good."  
I slide the fabric down my legs and step out of them, she keeps eye contact as I enter the tub sitting down in front of her. I let the hot water wash over my chilled skin and close my eyes for a second.  
"How long has it been since you had a hot bath?"  
"Too long."  
"I thought higher ups got the privilege to a hot bath as often as they wanted?"  
"Maybe those in the inner most wall but me, I'm allowed four a year."   
"So why not take them more often?" She questions.  
"I already have a reputation for my cleanliness, people would really start to talk if I was taking a hot bath every 3 months or so, besides it takes a lot of effort to prep for a bath and I think the cadets time is better spent training, or cleaning."  
I watch Petra as she extends her arm slowly then clenches her fist before opening her fingers.  
"How's the arm?"  
"It's fine." She smiles.  
"I did push you to hard..."  
"No..."  
"An old injury wouldn't be hurting if I hadn't."  
"How did you know?"  
"One it's in your medical records, and two I listen when my squad talks on those long rides."  
I take a hold of her arm and slowly add pressure with my thumbs working the muscle.  
"That feels good." She says sliding a bit closer.  
I lean forward, reaching up to the back of her head with one hand and kissing her. My other hand reaches for one of her legs pulling it to the outside of my own, she moves the other to mimic. I pull her forward, with her straddling my lap I deepen the kiss. Her hands are around my neck, and it seems that the water in the tub has started to heat up instead of cool down. I love the way her skin feels as I caress her body with my hands. I feel my body reacting to our closeness and I want nothing more then to have my way with her but her hands move down to my chest and push at me so lightly that I almost disregard the gesture. I pull back from the kiss breathless.  
"Levi...we shouldn't..." Petra admits as she rubs her nose against my cheek.  
I nod, not knowing her reasons but respecting them, all I really needed from her was her presents. And as a reminder as to why sounds off outside in the form of a loud boom and lingering rumble.  
I don't move waiting for her to make the call. She rubs her nose against mine, tilting her chin inward in the slightest. And then her lips are against mine again, she feverishly pushes her tongue into my mouth as her hips roll into me, her core meeting the hard result of our kissing.   
Her hands are against my chest again and this time there is no mistaking her push as she moves away from me causing the water to feel ice cold.  
"I'm sorry, thank you for sharing your bath, I should go." she makes her move, getting out of the tub before I can stop her.   
The wind shifts outside, throwing the rain against my window. She grabs up her night shirt and begins to walk to the door. I stand up and get out of the tub needing desperately to stop her. A flash of lightning, and I reach out grabbing her wrist. She turns to look at me.   
"Stay...Please." I say, desperateness making itself known in my later word.  
Petra blinks at me.  
"I just want your company." I plead.  
In that minute she let go of whatever she had been fighting off that night as she took a step forward, throwing her night shirt to the floor and kissing me again. Her right leg comes up to my waist and I use it to pick her up, her wrapping the other around my hip.  
"Take me to bed." 

End Flashback  
"No."  
"Levi, you know what this could do to your career."  
"You mean what it could have done. None of it matters now, the only ones who know about this are you, myself and the dead."  
"Levi I feel I must tell you something." Erwin confesses as he slides my ring with it's broken chain across the surface of the desk.   
I hesitate but pick it up feeling the right thing to do would be to put the two rings together on the non broken chain. I open my hand that has been clenching her chain and fight with the small clasp, just as I did the night I had put it around her neck. I slide my ring off it's broken chain, slipping it onto the other, hearing the clink the two rings make as the meet.  
"Levi." Erwin says pulling my attention back onto him. "I spoke with Petra this morning, just before we all mounted up. She was...throwing up behind the stables. I asked her if she was nervous about the mission, in which she replied that it wasn't the mission she was worried about."  
I stare are Erwin waiting for him to get to the point.  
"She confided in me that she was pregnant and that this mission would surly need to be her last. I tried to persuade her into hanging back, and that no one would find her cowardice, but she insisted that she couldn't let her squad down, that they counted on her to be a part of the mission."  
As Erwin's words sank in I found myself fighting yet again to continue to breath. My hand clenching the two rings and chain hard enough that I can no longer feel my fingers.   
"Levi if I would have known it was yours."  
The words 'it was yours' lingers in my head and I can no longer fight. I cry out, slamming my shacking fist down on the desk and letting my head fall towards my knees. Doubled over and out of Erwin's sight I let go, letting all the unshed tears lose. He had once called me unsightly the last time I had broke down in front of him. This time he didn't utter a word.  
"How could this have happened?" I ask myself out loud.

Flashback  
The morning after the storm I awoke to Petra's palm against my chest and it made me remember what she had said the night before. "Levi...we shouldn't"

End Flashback  
She had tried to tell me and I didn't listen, in my desperate selfishness I didn't listen.  
"Why wouldn't she tell me?" I whisper.  
"I want you to take some time, greave, heal your leg. I want you ready when we find and take down the female titan and the one responsible."  
I clench my jaw pulling all my emotions back. I sit up looking Erwin in the eyes. "Thank you." I say as I stand up allowing the full weight of my body to stand on my leg as I solute him, turning towards the door I walk out.  
Tonight I'll have that drink.

 

 


End file.
